Win-lose develops quickly. People are half way up the escalator of polarization before they know it. And the farther up you are the harder it is to go down. Here are some early warning signs you are on the escalator.

1. Exclusion
2. Efforts to educate, advocate, convince, or sell.
3. Absolute statements which allow no room for modification such as this is the only way or any intelligent person can see...
4. Absence of any questions or inquiry.
5. Seeking support from others Jim, you agree with me, don't you?
6. Lack of participation
7. Lack of mutual respect
8. Lack of openness and honesty.
9. Lack of listening.
10. Not open to unplanned outcomes.
11. Defensiveness
12. Blaming
13. Voting or unilateral decisions.

Impacts of Win-Lose

Unchecked win-lose interactions produce one or more of the following results or symptoms. When you notice these, a win-lose climate has developed.

1. Deadlocks and impasses delay decisions.
2. Undermining exploration or creation of alternatives
3. Seeing the situation from two views only.
4. Listening declines.
5. Nurtures defensiveness.
6. Encourages people to choose sides.
7. Empathy and understanding decline.
8. Unaggressive people go to the sidelines.
9. Encourages people to choose sides.
10. Some simply leave the battlefield.
11. Anger and hurt occur and drive some away.
12. Personal abuse occurs.
13. Caring disappears.
14. Loosers are resentful.
15. Issues go under the table an behind the scenes.
16. Other side is seen as wrong, immoral, unethical and evil.
17. Underdogs inclined to sabotage.

Creating Win-Win

People usually begin with a win-win frame of mind. To create a win-win result, assume that polarization will unintentionally creep in. Watch for signs and symptoms and bring these to the others' attention. Simply being aware of what is happening can have a major positive impact on creating a win-win climate and result.

The more people trying to go down the polarization escalator, the easier it is. It is very challenging for one person alone to change a serious win-lose climate to a win-win one. Often your attempts to foster a win-win climate results on both sides turning on you as a scapegoat. Here's what helps.

1. Having clear, agreed goals against which options are tested.

2. Listen to others. Stop preparing counter arguments.

3. Try out the other person's viewpoint.

4. Ask questions to learn.

5. Include and involve stakeholders.

6. Avoid voting; seek operational consensus.

7. Test or accommodate decisions by seeking questions, doubts, disagreements and additions from all likely to be impacted.

8. Draw a continuum regarding the issue and have people place themselves on it. Frequently, the "sides" are not that far apart.

9. Seek and identify common ground. Focus here rather than on the differences.

A Step by Step Process

You can practice building a win-win climate in every meeting by following the following steps.

1. Be clear on the purpose of the meeting.
2. Notice anything that is leading to a win-lose climate.
3. Think about how you would intervene to change the climate.
4. Make the intervention.
5. Assess the effectiveness of your intervention.

To begin, focus on steps 1 and 2. Keep a written record of what you notice. Next think of how you would intervene and keep a record. Last, try it.